I wasn’t feeling good enough, I wasn’t sure about myself I threw my hands over my head, it was too late for me to shout I screamed in silence wondering what is it I should do I stayed up all night ‘til morning, slept, and woke up in the afternoon So all my time was spent in darkness, maybe that’s what led to gloom I found myself stuck in a cycle, barely ever left my room I’m scribbling some thoughts and dreams, but they all end up spread askew And I can’t tell the difference between what I’ve done and what I’ll do Or who I am, or what I love, or what I think that I deserve I never felt this low before, I always wanted to be more I often stifle teary eyes, I think that I should be more strong If anything my doubtful mind has steered me wrong and led me on And wants to see me suffer long, I long to be the one I need I plead a hundred times again to keep me safe and let me breathe I feel a break is coming, I just hope it’s not my state of mind I wasn’t feeling good enough, and all of that was from inside So I went out to take a walk in heavy rain and trouble winds The holes inside my sneakers let the cold and deep puddles in And the weight of my jacket made me feel like I was being held I closed my eyes a second, and right behind me a tree had fell And I almost didn’t notice, but a car alarm was sounded So I turned around to see the horror I was almost found in And I felt my stomach drop, and those tears had finally came Then I ran back to the house so I could get out of the rain I never felt so close to death, I only narrowly escaped Without even comprehending or realizing my fate I guess my soul was protected by my guardian angels I was so scared I think I might not leave the house again though If I only knew how truly valuable my time is I would spend more moments giving thanks to the highest Cus I could have gone out if I was an inch to the left I’m guess I’m right where I need to be, and that’s good enough

I was in New Orleans tryna start a life anew Maybe I’ma meet somebody and see what we could get up to Ran into this girl before she flew back to New York She said she liked me and she wanted my number so we could talk She called me when she landed, she said she felt stranded Cus I was the only one she wanna kiss and hold hands with Short, big booty, pink hair like candy Everyday she sent me pictures in some different panties (looking delicious) She so bad She so bad, for me She so bad I just couldn’t see She said she wanna be the Beyonce to my Jay-z But she don’t even write raps, she just be getting nosebleeds (what’s up with that?) She’s up late every night, drive herself crazy Screaming out life’s a bitch, like she AZ When I was on the phone she would touch her clit Said it’d make her pussy wet if she could suck my dick I was like, mhm, of course I can’t wait to fuck so we could see how deep this love gon’ get She so bad She so bad, for me She so bad I just couldn’t see She said she like my voice when I speak And that we should get an apartment together and split the lease I was down south, she was north east I was 21, she was 30 I was blown away when she told me that we were soulmates Said our paths were brought together so that we could procreate We talked about it all every night Then I decided I would sell all my things and book a flight (what are you doing?) That was the first time true regret would find me I just ditched all my friends at NYP And now I’m in NYC, tryna live with a coke fiend I think there’s something wrong with her, all she got is broken dreams I wish I would’ve seen it ‘fore I dipped I was distracted by her titties, hips, pussy lips Came all this way for a girl I don’t like one bit And the worst part about it, is I didn’t even hit (damn) She so bad She so bad, for me She so bad I just couldn’t see

I wanna know What the hell was in that joint It couldn’t have been weed Because I never felt this way before I wanna know What the hell was in that joint It’s making me feel like my heart’s gon’ explode You told me you rolled us a J We walked out to Pablo’s garage I smoked the whole thing to my face You laughed and became a mirage Now I’m all alone Scared that today I’m gon’ die I walked all the way home My mother looked at me and said “What the fuck’s wrong with your eyes?” But this time she sounded concerned Like more than just weed had been burned I said something like “I think I got the flu” Cus I didn’t know what to do Maybe I just need to go to sleep Then a black hole opened up in my bed I just fucked my whole life for some weed If I wake up I swear I won’t smoke again I wanna know What the hell was in that joint I know it wasn’t weed Why’d you lace me man? What was the point? I wanna know What the hell was in that joint It’s making me feel like my heart’s gon’ explode (Oh my god, My fingers, they feel like chalk And my eyeballs, are the chalkboard What am I writing? My fingers are gone! And now I can’t even read it)

I don’t wanna hurt you but I will If you ever put me in the position I gotta kill Cus I don’t trust a second of your time If you near me I’m assuming that one of us gotta die And it ain’t gon’ be me, not tonight I want peace, but I ain’t going down without a fight So I bludgeon my family with rusty swords Cus it has to be done, but I don’t think that it’s right So please forgive me for my visions These dreams that I keep having trap me in a mental prison Waking up stressed, I gotta shake it off All I think about is death and how I hate them all They hurt me with all of their trauma that wasn’t resolved They act like it never happened, like “oh, I ain’t recall” They are a threat to our society Should I kill ‘em violently? Or walk away quietly? Awake, arise, begin anew I put you up there So far above me And in these scars Just shows you love me

What are the odds of anybody even giving a fuck? Probably better than my chances at luck I rip my soul out of my body, but it isn’t enough I tried to speak to the voice in my head and it told me hush My phone’s off but the calls are the same Tryna build a reputation and it’s all in the name Went walking without a coat and I got caught in the flame I wrote a note to a singer, she said it’s out of her range I rode a boat to an island, but I forgot an empty bottle Rain clouds looking at me like they ready to squabble If I didn’t know no better I’d assume I’s all alone I felt I turned a corner realizing yesterday was tomorrow And for better or worse I been bust staying patient My framerate’s off I look like a claymation My ceiling fan’s covered in dust, it looks ancient I’m about to jump out the window, I can’t take it Is there anybody out there? There ain’t body inside Is there anybody out there? Or is someone playing tricks on my mind I never been they type to let a stranger see me cry I learned to never intervene with someone angry at the sky I’m tryna get to the beginning, it’s taking me all my life Look like I’m racing to the finish cus there’s no brakes on my bike I might have to trace my steps cus I don’t know where my key’s at Maybe I should try to find a home before I seek that They say closed mouths don’t ever get fed But just close it when you chewing, cus I ain’t tryna see that For better or worse you gon’ learn some Broke my hand on the climb, got a sore thumb Sometimes I wish that I was more dumb I’m too smart for my own good

Discount fruit don’t taste that good Go and spend that cash treat your body right Discount fruit don’t taste that good There’s only one chance at this thing called life

My life is one big coulda, shoulda, woulda But I didn’t so here I am I don’t even know what I needa explain Maybe it’ll all make sense one day My life is one big coulda, shoulda, woulda But I didn’t so here I am I don’t even know what I needa explain Maybe it’ll all make sense one day I coulda been a jock, I coulda been a scientist I coulda put my hard cock on vagina lips I coulda been a serious musician I coulda found myself in precarious predicaments So, I should go back and wrong all my rights I shoulda been the best at that open mic I shoulda opened up a neighborhood candy store I should be bigger than Jimmy Hendrix and Santa Claus I woulda been professional if someone took my headshot I woulda been your boyfriend but for some reason I’m getting blocked I woulda had to fight the entire alien race If I took that opportunity to travel to space But I might not have made it back, did I make the right decision? I might never know the fact, I just have to keep it pushing I once read a quote, and it rang true to me “I never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity” My life is one big coulda, shoulda, woulda But I didn’t so here I am I don’t even know what I needa explain Maybe it’ll all make sense one day My life is one big coulda, shoulda, woulda But I didn’t so here I am I don’t even know what I needa explain Maybe it’ll all make sense one day

You might find me wearing all black in the summer cuz I like heat anything to combat my ice cold feet stomach full of butterflies, only cuz I'm starving to death sometimes you gotta take what you could get if you're asking for advice, I might tell you just quit threw a glass house at a stone and it split someone put a message inside and it read "you should put that money to use, you can't take it when you're dead" my lucky little statue of a cat hasn't broke yet when it does they told me that I'm due for a fortune if what I got now would be any indication of what I got coming, I might have to rent a forklift if I'm on my last straw, I'll drink the water of life I'm dirty like an outlaw, carrying bounties and strife everything comes with a sacrifice it's like they say, you never forget how to crash a bike watch what you do, watch what you say I'm wearing cement shoes in a pool but it's drained love doesn't trick me, I'm a fool for pain I keep it to myself, don't want scars from your pity I think I'm the only one who sees stars in the city I can tell who's never made a drawing in their life I don't tell the value of a piece by the price all their socks match, but the writing isn't legible neither has a thing to do with being presentable I transmit the message, I just don't explain further act like I am even when I ain't certain if I never started I'd have never had that gut punch got a lot smarter, lost a couple lug nuts I got the bigger wish bone piece but I went blank how long does it take for the moment to slip away? grace this moment with the will to be brave cuz you never forget how to dig your own grave watch what you do, watch what you say

You can count me if it’s rhymes you need I do double the work at twice the speed I go up the ante, then I up the ante Then I get you up, you shake butt, you’re dancing I’m the cold motherfucker from the year of the Ox I keep it so sincere, you could hear when I talk I ain’t here to play games, son I’m here to rock When it come to any man, I say “I fear you not” I got a laundry list of what I got to do So I just can’t stop ‘til I show and I prove It’s a big wide world but I’m talking to you Go and dance on a hater, got ‘em watching the moves I woke up and I felt so blessed I sang Sure enough, they gon’ know me as the next big thang If you want me to stop, then you ought to wait I set fire to the place with the body break Do the body break I’m the one that you got to watch Cus I’m the top MC with the body rock I’m from around the block, I’m from around the way I told you in the first verse, you can count on me If you wanna get it jumping like a trampoline I play the drum machine, not the tambourine Other rappers looking sweet like a tangerine While my rhymes been hardcore since I came on the scene I’m the funky aquarius with a heart of TNT It’s the art of being free, It’s a part of being me And you can live vicariously through my CD Back in the day, I used to listen to Rakim and Eric B. And not much has changed, except my skills have grown And I’ma only take a seat when I fit the throne I’ma always remember to praise God, give thanks I said my name is Nick Shea and this the body break Do the body break

Out of place since the day I was born I ain’t met a single person out there what I’m on I never try to make music for the club This is for that person all alone sitting comfy on their rug With a pen inside a book, scribbling a joke Laughing to themselves, living by their oaths Give a lot of thanks, still praying for change Always true to myself, but I don’t wanna stay the same So what they hell am I to do? I’m always lonely and I hope that my thoughts are not misconstrued I can’t imagine going back to the ones I left Might need a couple bad days just to see the best I’ma probably be fine, I don’t wanna fall in line This the life I chose, and oh so carefully designed It’s my destiny to do what I always wanted to do It’d be great if I could find a couple people I relate to One time, I saw a dude in a Wu Tang shirt I never seen another person wearing one in school before I was hyped, he bump hip hop just like me? I asked him his favorite song, and he called himself a hype beast Only wore the shirt cus it was trendy? Had I known that, I wouldn’t have been so friendly Would’ve kept to myself, cus I ain’t vibing with that I only met a handful of music lovers on my path And most of ‘em don’t ever try to hang Rather stay alone, and do their own thang I guess that I respect it, I been doing the same If you find a good song though, send it my way I’ma always try to listen, expand musically Real raw emotions like food to me I only ever fix myself a plate of food If only I could find a couple people I relate to Maybe I just got something about me Where people see I don’t fuck with nobody and mean it proudly Why would I be focused on drama or negativity Or fake standards? I rather protect my energy And build a foundation I could live on for years I ain’t do all of that praying and giving all of my tears Just to let it go to waste, that would be a disgrace Now my loneliness is the only problem I gotta face Somedays, it feels like the great reward Other days, it’s the biggest fear that I hoard My CDs won’t hurt me, neither will my records Someone told me I’m the one percent because I’m a collector And nobody do that no more Maybe I could meet somebody at the record store Who loves books, CDs, records and tapes too One day I’ma meet somebody that I could relate to